26. Life Gets In the Way
Why AARON (35) LANDSCAPER hasn’t gotten the attention he deserves.
It’s been weeks since I’ve touched our lonely little script. A few major things in my life have gotten in the way. Some good things, some high stress things, and both have left me with limited creative energy at the end of the day.
I made a decision to use what creative energy I had left for a different project that means the world to me. Therefore, Aaron had to sit on the shelf for a little bit.
Breaks like this are normal, natural, and healthy. They can make you feel like you’re letting yourself down or like you failed in some capacity. I definitely experienced this throughout the last few weeks. Thinking about Aaron, seeing his draft title when I open Final Draft… But at the end of the day, I, Rocket, as a person, am more important than this script.
Now that I am settling in to a new home, I’ve knocked one of the major stressors off my list. I feel confident in coming back to the story soon. Within a few days. (I hate “soon” or “someday” since that usually means it’s not going to happen).
I just want you all to be aware that I did not give up on this. I did not give up on Aaron. I took necessary time to get my ducks in a row without completely losing my mental health in the process.
Pressure, Stress, and Imposter Syndrome
I consistently struggle with being high strung. Putting pressure on myself. Stressing about getting my work done, achieving my long term and short term goals within a reasonable timeline. And even though these traits do work in my favor, sometimes they get out of control. So let’s just talk about it for a minute.
If you need a break, take a break.
Life sneaks up on you. All of a sudden you’ve got stacks of mail, 6,000 unread emails, and a rat in your apartment. Yes, that’s right. I had a rat who decided to room with me. Hence, the move. Put that on top of making sure you have clean dishes, clean laundry, and food in the fridge…
There were multiple panic attacks. Anyone who’s ever had a panic attack will tell you it drains you. Days, even weeks, can pass before you feel like yourself again. In my head, I was living in fear. Nightmares when I could sleep, paranoia the rest of the time. Every slight movement or sound put me into fight/flight/freeze mode thinking it was the rat.
Now mix in waiting for work in the transitioning film industry here in Austin, Texas. Last year I was led to believe we’d be drowning in work. There were all these shows and movies coming to town and I’d be busier than I could handle. I was quite looking forward to it. However, I find myself now catching a few commercials here and there. The uncertainty of work and a paycheck is constant stressor and we’re all feeling it.
So yeah, I needed to let Aaron sit for a minute. I couldn’t do my standard workload with writing because everything else was falling down around me. And that’s ok.
It doesn’t mean I’m not a writer. I was still writing, just not Aaron. I wrote something that helped me calm down. Something cool that not everyone was looking at. It’s ok to be selfish in our art sometimes.
Final Thoughts
My intention with this blog and AARON (35) LANDSCAPER is show you the real process of screenwriting. Taking breaks, starting over, “failing” are all part of it. I am back now and I promise to keep this going as long as it takes. We’ll finish this damn script.
But more importantly, make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Life is hard. Writing is hard. All of this is hard. We take it one bite at a time. We don’t stress ourselves to death for anything.