Ours: A Study In Song
3 May 2025
This is a new one I’ve been working on. It’s just recently started to feel like a real song, but needs a lot of work so let’s take a gander.
As you can see the demo is rough. Which proves to me we’re not done here.
I’m finding the biggest issues in that third verse: (I’m gonna edit as I go here)
An hour later I’m at Knowmad watching some local metal band
The bartender, calls me by name and asks me where I’ve been
I lie and say that work’s kept me away
Lay down a hush money tip and make my escape
Yeah… ok… this - (lay down a hush money tip and make my escape) - I don’t like that. Too many syllables, keeps tripping me up, not clever enough to work around.
Alternatives:
All these lights are blinding me so I make my escape
(I’m not digging the word “escape” here)
So I took to the rhyming dictionary and… it’s a lot. But here are some interesting ones…
Ricochet - cabernet - decay - replay
NOTE: Do not go too hard on the rhyming dictionary… it’ll feel forced. Better to simplify than to overcomplicate. You’re a people, not a robot.
Ok… so…
all these lights are blinding me as the horrors replay
all these lights are blinding me as I catch a ricochet
all these lights are blinding me-
This isn’t working.
Something specific…
I’m bleeding from my teeth as I drift away
The lights are bleeding I can see this place is stained
ooh… Ok, that’s kind of cool too since in the next verse we’re at home. Went out for a drink, then went home. So if the place is “stained” by memories or whatever, that’s why our girl gets the fuck out of there.
Let’s try it.
Y’all are just going to have to forgive my voice. It’s been a long night. But that feels better.
Ok. I’m going to play through and see what else we need to work on. We will be needing a bridge. And some variety in the chords at some point, but that’s… that’s a problem for future Ali.
Alright. It definitely feels better. Let’s all keep in mind I’m just recording demos on my voice notes app. We’re going for the bare bones here, not good production. I don’t know how many times I have to say that this blog is messy on purpose. These are demos I was hoping no one would see until I was long dead, but we’re all about process here so there you go.
Considering this song is pretty wordy… I’m not going to add a bridge. When I write, I still picture my boys from Sonic Coitus coming in to make it pretty with their mastery of instrumentation. So I figure, after we do the chorus the second time, Dave will come in and rip a wicked solo, then we’ll go back to the chorus and close it out with one last bellow.
I don’t know. If any of you have ideas, let’s hear them.
For now, I think we’re ok. We’ll sit on it. Let it cook. Come back to it on another weird night. Maybe I can come up with some cool guitar stuff so it’s not so bland and throw it out there at an open mic or something. We’ll see.
-Rocket